ADHD and Friendships: How to Form New Adult Friendships

For many individuals with ADHD navigating friendships, and relationships in general, can be difficult and confusing. With ADHD comes an array of social and emotional hurdles that need to be understood, alongside understanding what friendship is. However, with enough insight, it is entirely possible to forge meaningful and lasting friendships with ADHD.

At Beyond, we are an ADHD clinic full to the brim of wonderful ADHD brains and we bring you this guide to help you understand friendship and spot the signs that someone wants to be your friend, which we know is all too confusing for our wiring to handle.

ADHD and Friendships: Why Understanding Friendships is Hard

Human beings are naturally social creatures, from the age of surviving in a pack against predators to needing a genuine connection to get through life’s ups and downs. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition affecting the control of impulses, thoughts, and movement, it can also impact social skills and can lead to difficulties maintaining long-term friendships due to impulsivity, forgetfulness, and misinterpreting social cues.

Some of the ADHD traits that might affect making friends are:

• Oversharing

• Difficulty Listening

• Social Anxiety

• Time Blindness

• Forgetfulness

Understanding the Difference Between Acquaintance and Friend.

This part can be difficult for an individual with ADHD to understand, what makes a friend a friend or just someone that you see occasionally during an activity or hobby? An acquaintance is someone you are friendly with but with whom your interactions are limited to a single context such as a hobby or activity you share a few times a week. A friend on the other hand has a closer connection and a reciprocal relationship based on trust. You have a bond outside of a single environment.

How to Tell if Someone Wants to be Your Friend?

Taking someone from acquaintance to friend involves small talk and other light interactions that help to build trust. Some signs that you and another person are inching toward friendship territory are:

• They show interest, get excited about your interests, and ask questions about your life.

• You feel happy when spending time with them and find you are both smiling while together.

• You find your interactions get longer over time and they linger for more information.

• You both initiate conversations, it isn’t just one-sided.

• You feel you would be comfortable spending one-on-one time with them.

• They contact you out of the blue or seek you out during your activity to spend time with you.

• They say things like “I thought about you the other day...” or “I saw this and thought you would like it…”

How, as an ADHD Adult, Do You Forge a Friendship?

The first step from acquaintance to friendship is contact or arranging contact outside of your common ground, exchanging numbers and arranging meetups outside of your shared activity. If you wanted to take the initiative, you could arrange something after your activity that feels natural, such as going for a coffee after your gym workout together, heading to a park together with your dogs after work, arranging an art gallery trip outside of your shared art class, or going to a farmers’ market together that has been discussed in your cooking class. If the activity you arrange relates to your shared activity then it will feel more natural and less forced to arrange and a more natural progression into friendship.

Other personal things you can work on to help these friendships form more naturally are:

• Become more self-aware and understand your ADHD and how you present it.

• Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding and using verbal affirmations, avoiding interrupting, and summarising what they’ve said.

• Develop your social skills by trying hard to be punctual, using the right language, respecting personal space, and expressing gratitude.

• Work on patience and consistency by reaching out, inviting them to activities, and showing a genuine interest in their lives. Small consistent gestures have the ability to build the foundations for a long-lasting friendship.

• Try to manage your impulsivity by taking a breath before you speak to formulate a response, practice deep breathing to stay focused on the conversation, and set reminders to help you stay on topic.

Should You Enclose Your ADHD?

When thinking about telling your new friend about your ADHD it is important to understand that their opinions or acceptance of it might be skewed by common misconceptions and discrimination, which isn’t their fault. They may not have had any contact with the condition before, and therefore may not have needed to fully understand it.

There is no right or wrong here, take the time to think about how you feel about disclosing it and how you would feel about developing a friendship and keeping this part of your life to yourself. Ask yourself questions such as: 

• Will this help me to feel more at ease knowing that they know why I act the way I do?

• Will keeping my ADHD to myself hinder our friendship in any way?

• Will telling them about my ADHD change their opinion of me?

• Would I want to be friends with this person if it changed their opinion in any way?

• Would telling them about my ADHD make me feel more at ease and able to relax into the friendship more?

Being upfront about your ADHD can help others understand you better but it’s important to understand that you can’t control people’s reactions. If you decide you want to disclose your ADHD then, when appropriate, explain how ADHD affects you and how you’re working to manage it and you might find this honesty fosters empathy and patience from your new friend.

Thrive in Your Friendships with Help from a Private ADHD Clinic in Manchester.

Friendships are essential for emotional well-being and to provide support and guidance, reduce stress, and contribute to a sense of belonging. For adults with ADHD, having a strong social network can also offer practical support, like reminders for appointments or help with organisational tasks etc.

If you find forming friendships challenging and need a little help and support along the way then consider seeking help from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in ADHD. You can also seek help from an ADHD clinic, who provide adult ADHD assessments, alongside support, guidance, and medication to help you cope with pressures out of your control.

Beyond Clinics: Adult ADHD Assessments and So Much More.

Beyond is a private ADHD clinic in Manchester offering a comprehensive, multi-professional ADHD assessment for adults and children. Our diagnostic team have specialist experience in assessing and supporting individuals with ADHD and can help improve ADHD relationships by using approaches such as education, communication, training and coaching.

At Beyond we understand that individuals can struggle to live full and happy lives because of undiagnosed ADHD, and for that reason, long NHS waiting lists are just not an option. This is why private ADHD clinics aim to provide rapid access to adult ADHD assessments.

Contact Beyond today, a private ADHD clinic in Manchester, to see how we can help you.