Do People with ADHD Struggle with Parenting?

It’s no lie that raising children is tough, ask any parent or caregiver and they will tell you that child-rearing is fraught with emotions, tantrums, and battles with control, alongside heart-aching joy, happiness, laughter, and love. It is a rollercoaster of emotion, which can be likened to the rollercoaster of ADHD.

Alongside this, raising children comes with an abundance of mental and physical exhaustion, which again can bring along many of the same symptoms that are presented with ADHD. Symptoms such as memory loss, brain fog, difficulty prioritising and organising, and struggles with time management and motivation. These are all symptoms of ADHD but also symptoms of raising children with an abundance of energy and demands.

One way to tell the difference between ADHD symptoms and those that come with parenting is time. Over time, if you don’t have ADHD these symptoms will lessen. The older your children get, the less physically exhausting they will be, the better they will sleep (hopefully), and the less their demands on you will be. If these symptoms don’t lessen over time, then there may be a chance you have ADHD. 

Time is the exact reason so many people are getting diagnosed with ADHD later in life and why the amount of diagnosis is increasing at present. 

Why Are So Many People with ADHD Diagnosed Later in Life?

The safety and structure for most in early life don’t tend to present obvious opportunities for noticing ADHD traits. Most children have an abundance of energy alongside immature brains that struggle to keep focus for any length of time, stay still, or concentrate on a task. The move into education, nursery, pre-school, and lower school, provides a structured day and activities which is easy (for most) to follow, as every child is doing the same thing day in and day out. This is where masking can first make an appearance in a child with ADHD. 

The move into high school, college, and university is somewhat the same, with small doses of responsibility handed out in the management of time and workload. This is where some children can start to see the effects of ADHD, as these snippets of responsibility can feel overwhelming, as the safety net of structure is taken away. 

After university, when working life hits, possibly marriage and then onto having children, when there is no safety net or support structure to follow, is when ADHD symptoms can truly start to make themselves present. Not only do we have the responsibility of ourselves, our working environment, home management, friends, and family relationships to maintain but then comes the management of children and all that the parenting journey brings with it.

This time in life is when masking ADHD symptoms can become difficult, especially for women, as they are the carrier of children and still presently, the main caregivers in the family home. This time spent at home, engaging, bonding, organising, and prioritising activities, making sure they are well fed, get the right amount of sleep, are happy and content, and usually doing it alone, can leave a lot of space for underlying emotions and symptoms of ADHD to rear their head.

Ways ADHD Can Show Up in Parenting.

Alongside the ups and downs of parenting, there are many ways that ADHD can show up in daily parenting, such as:

• Safety – Keeping adequate attention on your children to ensure their safety without distraction.

• Organisation – Daily routines for each member of the family requires robust organisation skills.

• Emotional Regulation – Children experience big feelings on a regular basis and look to their caregivers to help them regulate their emotions. When a parent has ADHD themselves, they struggle with their own emotional regulation, therefore keeping calm and helping their children regulate their emotions can be tough.

• Building a Bond – Staying engaged and interested is difficult for someone with ADHD when they don’t have 100% interest in what is happening, but engagement and connection are the starting point for healthy family relationships.

• Problem Planning – The ability to reflect and analyse challenging situations is difficult for someone with ADHD, therefore, altering plans, schedules, and activities to avoid potentially challenging situations is difficult too.  

5 Ways to Help Make Parenting with ADHD More Manageable.

Schedule connection time without distractions.

An ADHD brain is prone to distraction, so even if you mentally set aside time to play and bond with your children, it can suddenly and urgently pop into your head that you need to wash the dishes, hoover the stairs, or fix the kitchen drawer. Schedule time each day in your planner or on your phone that is “kid time”, pop your phone in another room, and try where you can, to solely focus on that time with your children.

Use a timer to stay focused.

If the urgent need to do all the things under the sun but sitting and spending time with your children just don’t seem to quieten down for that time you have planned, setting a timer can really help. Set the timer for half an hour, 20 minutes, or 2 15-minute sessions, that way you know you can focus on nurturing the bond and connection with your children through play and when the timer goes off, you can continue with those urgent tasks.

Consistency in behaviours.

Impulsivity is an ADHD symptom and one that creates inconsistency in parenting small children. Impulsivity can mean that your response to a child's behaviour can become confusing as it may be different each time, and therefore render it ineffective, which could, in turn, cause further behavioural problems for your children. Try writing a list of behavioural responses that you stick up somewhere noticeable and practice them daily. This will help to keep your responses consistent, create a structure for you and your children and help toward managing overwhelm for you and your kids.

Take time away to avoid overwhelm.

Managing your ADHD symptoms on top of managing the dysregulated emotions of small children can be utterly exhausting and feelings of stress and overwhelm can be constantly lurking near the surface. Planning regular time out for yourself is a survival technique and can take on any form that you find nurturing, relaxing, and resettling for your nervous system. If, in the moment, you feel like you are about to overreact to a situation, find a quiet room to take a few deep breaths and let your children know what you are doing. 

Accept help where you can.

Understanding your ADHD, and where you struggle can be a game changer when it comes to parenting, in particular, understanding where you need help. If you have a partner, friend, or family member that can help, it can be a saviour to your mental health to divvy up the workload, such as getting help with time management for important appointments and deadlines, help with your children's homework, and organising after-school activities. 

Make sure your ADHD is Well Managed.

One of the main takeaways from this article is to ensure that your ADHD is well-managed and well-understood. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses as a parent is not only good for your children, but good for you and your sanity. Many people that suspect they have ADHD can approach their GP, who will arrange an assessment, however, this can take up to 5 years to get to the diagnosis stage, which is why many people, including the NHS themselves, are paying to go private.

If you have an ADHD diagnosis and are struggling with parenting, then ensuring your medication is correct by talking with your GP or assessment provider can help, consider an ADHD coach to manage symptoms and then utilising the above tips and tricks where possible can help with everyday tasks and activities. 

A Specialist ADHD Clinic.

For some, waiting to get an assessment through the NHS is just not an option. Sometimes with motherhood, other mental health issues come with it like post-natal depression, which coupled with ADHD symptoms can make parenting extremely tough. This is where seeking help from a specialist ADHD psychiatrist for neurodevelopmental conditions can be such an important step for parents and caregivers.

If you find that you are struggling to manage your ADHD symptoms alongside parenting, then Beyond Clinic is here to help. Our discreet, expert professionals strive to understand your unique circumstances and our ultra-personalised approach ensures 100% attention on you, ensuring that you have a programme designed for life. 

Our dedicated ADHD and ASD clinics in Cheshire are dedicated to helping you find a pathway to a happier, healthier future, so get in touch today to see how Beyond can help you on your parenting journey.