Adult Relationships and ADHD

ADHD can affect all areas of life, from daily household chores, keeping up with appointments, looking after kids, and work life, even through to relationships. Many of the things neurotypical people take for granted in relationships such as remembering to keep in touch, actively listening and engaging in conversation, and controlling mood and emotions can be incredibly difficult for someone with ADHD.

Currently in the UK, around 2.6 million adults have been diagnosed with ADHD. As a private ADHD clinic, one of the most common issues we hear from our clients is their relationship problems. So, let’s take a look at why relationships can be difficult if you have ADHD and how you can put in the work to make them better.

How Can ADHD Impact Love and Relationships?

Executive functions such as attention, impulse control, and time management are the biggest struggles for those with ADHD. 

The differences in these functions, especially if one person has ADHD and the other is neurotypical, can cause numerous misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts.

A common complaint from the non-ADHD partner is that they feel ignored or unimportant.

ADHD Symptoms That Commonly Cause Problems in Relationships.

Relationships can be tricky with or without ADHD, but when one or both partners have ADHD, a whole new set of challenges can arise. 

Some common ADHD symptoms that are often identified at the heart of relationship issues include:

• Organisation and working memory – forgetting important dates, not arranging birthday outings etc.

• Listening and following instructions – interrupting meaningful conversations with thoughts, doing the opposite of what was asked, or not doing something altogether.

• Poor decision-making – hurting those you love by making impulsive decisions and not thinking them through.

• Difficulty controlling impulses – misunderstanding how a comment will land, interrupting conversations, and acting out of control.

• Low intimacy levels – not wanting to be romantic and difficulties showing affection, acting only as a friend.

• Inability to finish tasks – intention to do the dishes, washing, or change the bedding and leaving the tasks halfway finished.

• Mood issues and emotional dysregulation – taking things more seriously than they were intended, hurting the feelings of others with comments or actions, and having intense feelings around conversations.

One of the bonding elements in a relationship is usually intimacy, therefore a lack of intimacy due to ADHD can pose challenges. 

People with ADHD often cite a fear of intimacy as a trait that creates problems for them in romantic relationships. 

Issues with intimacy can be linked to common ADHD-related behaviours such as disorganisation and memory problems, with many becoming bored of routines around the house such as cleaning and preparing meals. 

This may be seen as one partner “not pulling their weight”, which can lead to conflict and resentment, and may subsequently damage levels of intimacy in a relationship.

How to Strengthen Your Relationship if Your or Your Partner Has ADHD.

Creating a practical plan that works for you and your partner should be the first step in working on your relationship. Relationships with ADHD can absolutely be healthy and thriving, they may just need a little more care and attention. Below are our four cornerstone steps to helping you on your way.

Empathy for Your Partner.

Whether you are the ADHD partner, the neurotypical partner, or you're both neurodivergent, trying to see how your behaviour impacts your partner is important. 

This can be harder if you’ve been together for a long time, as you think you know your partner inside out but it’s important not to underestimate how easily your actions could be misinterpreted. 

Work on your patience to truly listen to what your partner is saying or try to communicate as effectively as you can. Don’t underestimate the power in asking and intently listening, without assuming.

Accept Responsibility.

Once you truly understand what your partner is saying and how they feel, it’s time to work on accepting your responsibility for the role in your relationship. 

The actions of your ADHD partner can either open the door to misunderstandings or be a platform for compromise and cooperation, and only by understanding the role you play in your relationship can you help each other to feel heard and validated.

Improve Communication.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, but it becomes even more important in an ADHD relationship. 

Working on understanding each other’s communication styles can help as well as setting clear expectations, using visual aids, and practising active listening. 

Work as a Team.

If one partner has ADHD and the other doesn’t, relationships can feel unbalanced, however, working together to understand your strengths and challenges, and communicating them effectively can help to create a healthy relationship. Dividing tasks based on strengths, scheduling catchups, evaluating the division of household tasks, and delegating where necessary can help your relationship feel equal.

Strengthen Your Relationships with the Help of a Private ADHD Clinic in Manchester.

Beyond is a private ADHD clinic in Manchester offering a comprehensive, multi-professional ADHD assessment for adults and children. Our diagnostic team has specialist experience in assessing and supporting individuals with ADHD and can help improve relationships by education, training and couples coaching.

Contact Beyond today, a private ADHD clinic in Manchester, to see how we can help you.